4th April, 2012
PTI News.
The news of an entire unit of mechanised infantry inclusive of its fighting vehicles moving towards Delhi from Hisar has sent shock waves throughout the government and has threatened to tear the very fabric of our evolved democracy.
Online sites have been going berzerk with supposed Conspirators ranging from the General VK Singh, the RSS and Mayawati. India TV has gone on to accuse the producers of Agent Vinod of this publicity stunt.
As news channels, newspapers face an unprecedented and severe backlash for their news on the attempted coup by the Indian army, we are now in a position to confirm that parts of the report are true. An attempt was made and stalled on that fateful night
Confirmed sources tell us that an attempt had indeed been made, India had been periliously close to an army rule and Manmohan Singh becoming just a silent ceremonial stooge. Much to our chagrin and later pride we have learnt that this attempt of the army was stalled neither by the Defense ministry, nor the Judiciary, It was a brave effort by a Haryana police constable that ensured that the air you are breathing as of now is a democratic one.
We have given below excerpts of a recorded conversation between the army commander Lt Gen Ak Singh and Suresh Tokas the constable at the road blockage outside Najafgarh.
Gen: Constable, Yeh Blockade hatao
Constable: Arey Chodu Singh, Tu hain kaun, Na Minister hain koi, Na Inspector hain, Manne bol raha hain ki chaukhat khol dey
Gen: Hum Northern Infantry ke commander hain aur hum Coup karne jaa rahe hain Delhi
Constable: Abey Baawlipoonch, Bade naye shauk paal rakhe hain army waalon ney, Koooo Koooo karne Dilli jaaney ki kya zaroorat hain, Tu kahein toh yahin bulale naachne waaliyon ko. Koyal si teri boli.. Coup Coup Coup Coup... Coup Coup Coup Coup
Gen: Constable, How dare you !!!, Tumhe pata hain tu kissey baat kar raha hain...
Constable: Naaaa... Tere ko bhi nahin jaanta, tere baap ko bhi nahin jaanta.. Abey Roz paala padtha hain Dilli ke londo se.. Yo sab kahin aur jaake boliyoh..
Gen: Tum samajh nahi rahe ho. Humara jaana zaroori hain
Constable: Dekh Bhaya, Thand ka Mausam hain, Kuch Haath Garam karne ka Sadhan hain toh bol.. Idhar tu pocket dheeli kar, idhar main security dheeli kar deta hoon
Gen: Constable, Yeh Indian army hain, Yeh Coup mey bhi ek misaal kayam karti hain... Removing Corruption is our primary objective, we cannot give you what you asking for
Constable: Matbal.. Gen Saab..aap meri baat samjhe nahin... Aap jaayengey Dilli, Ban jaayege bade aadmi, Hum toh yahin isi Roadblock ki duty kar rahe honga na..
Captain Sharma (who had been silent till now): Sir, Kya iski bak-bak sun rahe ho, hamara paas Bofors Gun hain, 120 round per minute waali LMG hain,supersonic MIG vimaan hain... Iskey paas kya hain...
Constable: Mere paas.. Mere paas Laathi hain Beti@#$@#...
Gen: Dekho Constable, iam giving you 15 seconds to remove this blockade.. otherwise ill have to order to forcibly remove you guys..
Constable: Now visibly palpitating... Sirjee baat kar lete hain na please...
Gen: 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9,8,7.....
Orderly running towards General: Sir Sir,, A boy has fallen into a well in Orissa...
Gen: So...
Orderly: They want us for rescue operations..
Gen: Damn this.. Had to happen today only... Sharma, Give the order to retreat.. Constable, we will be back...
Constable: phew!!!!!
As the convoy retreated, the other constable who was watching this exchange without coming close, came to our constable and asked him.. :Nai, Keey hoya bhai, Sab theek thaak toh hain"
Constable: " Kuch nahin Ramsevak, Army waala tha, Dilli jaana chahta tha.. Maine Keh Diya seatbelt ke bina na jaaney doonga.. Uskey Tank mey thaa hi nahin.. Wapas chala gaya"
We got in touch with eminent personalities from various fields and asked them their opinion on Constable Suresh Tokas..
Said Rohit Bal " Tokas is the symbol of a resurgent India, fighting against all odds. My fall collection is dedicated to this man and will be called THOK ASS.. Taslima Nasreen was however shocked to learn that the entire episode didnt feature a single woman "This is a prime example of male chauvinism, if a female had been in charge of the military batallion we would have a woman president today... Oh wait..."
While we expect the whole country to rejoice the arrival of this new hero, political parties to fall over each other to incorporate him into the party, Tokas was last seen trying to haggle with a couple caught making out.
Even as we were going into print, Mahesh Bhatt, Suhel Seth and Arundhati Roy remained unavailable for comments.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
How to Buy the Correct Running Shoes
The Marathon season is around the corner, leading to a spike in shoe sales. Now buying shoes is easy business right... Wait for 40% discount season, walk into the store and look for the best colour and design thats available.
Unfortunately not, when it comes to buying running shoes, one needs to take special care. While Running on the treadmill/road your joints, archs, feet come under so much stress and one could do severe injury to oneself if one is not careful about ones running... While there are other precautions that one needs to take while becoming a full fledged runner, when it comes to shoes it is imperative to buy the right shoe according to your feet type and running style.
Heres a small note on how to purchase your running shoes:
Process for buying Running Shoes:
Step 1: Check out feet type, whether its flat feet , normal arch or high arch... you can do this test by dipping your feet in water and leaving an impression on a plain piece of paper. If you can see the imprint of the entire feet you are flatfoot if only little bit of the midfoot is visible you have normal arch and if the middle portion imprint is almost invisible you have got high arch.. There is no best feet type to have. Just the correct running shoes for it.
Diff foot types require diff running shoes...
for eg flat feet require lot of stability and midsoles so that your feet does not bend at your ankles. These type of runners usually go for stability shoes.
Normal to High archs require shoes with plenty of flexibility to encourage foot motion. These type of runners usually go for cushioned shoes, from neutral to high cushioned depending on normal to high arcs.
While the wet foot test is fairly used across the world, it is not fool proof as it fails to determine your running Style.....
Step 2: Style of Running... This is the most important process in buying a shoe. To understand the style of running,one has to understand a concept known as pronation. Pronation is the bending of your foot every time it lands on the ground. The degree of rotation varies from people to people...
To understand how you pronate, the best way is to check your old shoes... Understand where the wear and tear is taking place. Look at the front and midsole and find out if the wear is happening on the outside part of the shoe or the inner part of the shoe...
Ideal (or neutral) wear will be in the middle of the toe, Underpronation or Supination would be indicated by wear towards the outside of the toe & overpronantion would be shown by wear on the inside portion of the toe
Note: "We shouldnt look at heels for this assessment as most of the runners land first on the outerpart of the heels..."
Step 3: Weight and Toe Box...
If you are a heavily built runner you require different types of shoes as compared to if you are light weight runner. Also check out if your toe is wide, if its so then you may need shoes with a wide toe box....
To Wrap Up...
1) Find out your feet type with the wet test...
2) Find out where the wear of your current shoe is happening.
3) Is your toe Box Wide enough. Does it cause discomfort when your little finger in the feet hits the fabric of the shoes...???
The Kind of shoes for you:
If you have a neutral to high arch and are more likely to underpronate: look for Cushioned shoes
If you are a moderate to flat feet and are likely to overpronate: Stability and Motion Control Shoes
The above recommendation is based on the assumption that for majority of runners, certain arch types go with certain pronation styles, but this is not sacrosanct.
In case you are not in the majority, and you have to make a choice, buy shoes according to your running style(pronation style) rather than foot size...
Hope this post helps!!! Happy Running...
Unfortunately not, when it comes to buying running shoes, one needs to take special care. While Running on the treadmill/road your joints, archs, feet come under so much stress and one could do severe injury to oneself if one is not careful about ones running... While there are other precautions that one needs to take while becoming a full fledged runner, when it comes to shoes it is imperative to buy the right shoe according to your feet type and running style.
Heres a small note on how to purchase your running shoes:
Process for buying Running Shoes:
Step 1: Check out feet type, whether its flat feet , normal arch or high arch... you can do this test by dipping your feet in water and leaving an impression on a plain piece of paper. If you can see the imprint of the entire feet you are flatfoot if only little bit of the midfoot is visible you have normal arch and if the middle portion imprint is almost invisible you have got high arch.. There is no best feet type to have. Just the correct running shoes for it.
Diff foot types require diff running shoes...
for eg flat feet require lot of stability and midsoles so that your feet does not bend at your ankles. These type of runners usually go for stability shoes.
Normal to High archs require shoes with plenty of flexibility to encourage foot motion. These type of runners usually go for cushioned shoes, from neutral to high cushioned depending on normal to high arcs.
While the wet foot test is fairly used across the world, it is not fool proof as it fails to determine your running Style.....
Step 2: Style of Running... This is the most important process in buying a shoe. To understand the style of running,one has to understand a concept known as pronation. Pronation is the bending of your foot every time it lands on the ground. The degree of rotation varies from people to people...
To understand how you pronate, the best way is to check your old shoes... Understand where the wear and tear is taking place. Look at the front and midsole and find out if the wear is happening on the outside part of the shoe or the inner part of the shoe...
Ideal (or neutral) wear will be in the middle of the toe, Underpronation or Supination would be indicated by wear towards the outside of the toe & overpronantion would be shown by wear on the inside portion of the toe
Note: "We shouldnt look at heels for this assessment as most of the runners land first on the outerpart of the heels..."
Step 3: Weight and Toe Box...
If you are a heavily built runner you require different types of shoes as compared to if you are light weight runner. Also check out if your toe is wide, if its so then you may need shoes with a wide toe box....
To Wrap Up...
1) Find out your feet type with the wet test...
2) Find out where the wear of your current shoe is happening.
3) Is your toe Box Wide enough. Does it cause discomfort when your little finger in the feet hits the fabric of the shoes...???
The Kind of shoes for you:
If you have a neutral to high arch and are more likely to underpronate: look for Cushioned shoes
If you are a moderate to flat feet and are likely to overpronate: Stability and Motion Control Shoes
The above recommendation is based on the assumption that for majority of runners, certain arch types go with certain pronation styles, but this is not sacrosanct.
In case you are not in the majority, and you have to make a choice, buy shoes according to your running style(pronation style) rather than foot size...
Hope this post helps!!! Happy Running...
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Confessions of an Average Cricket Lover
Confessions of an Average Cricket Lover: So there I was vociferously jumping around like a stock broker who had just made millions. Dhoni had just slammed a six to start the biggest party India has seen since probably Independence. Involuntary tears flowed down my rotund cheeks as the Indian players hugged, cheered, cried together. First things First… Am not your maniacal head tonsuring cricket fan, neither am I the indifferent EPL lover. For most of the Indians born in the late 70s and early 80s, Cricket started with Kapils Devils lifting the trophy at Lords. It would be a lie if I tell you that I remember the 1983 World Cup. I was a 2 year old toddler in a houselhold with no television. So lets fast forward a bit… My earliest remembrances of Cricket were Sunil Gavaskar scoring his maiden ODI century against New Zealand and Ravi Shastri driving around an Audi though not necessarily in that order. I also faintly remember my father trying to explain the game to me. Iam sure he had an easy time as compared to fathers of today who probably have to explain referral systems, Powerplays, Duckworth Lewis, Poonam Pandey and the works. Allow me to get a bit nostalgic.. and Why shouldn’t I… Those were simpler times… Fodder was meant only for animals,Coffins for dead people, MBAs did not command the kind of dowry an Engineer or doctor could, everyone wanted to have body hair like Anil Kapoor, people could name atleast 4 players from the hockey team and Krishi Darshan would have beaten IPL hollow in TRPs. Cricket was no exception, Dawood Ibrahim was a respected figure in cricketing circles, India dreaded playing against Pakistan in Sharjah on a Friday, No Asian player used to feature in Bush Great Catches, and a Yorker was supposed to be dug out and not helicoptered out of the stadium. It was during this unblemished age that the 1987 World Cup was conducted in India. Frankly I don’t remember much of this tournament either. It was quite surprising considering that slowly but surely I was transforming into a couch potato with little or no talent in actually playing the game. What I do remember is my father explaining why the Eden Gardens is the greatest stadium in the world and a picture of Allan Border and his team holding the trophy in Times of India. A few boring years afterwards, I saw a curly haired lad along with Kapil Dev claiming that Boost was the secret of his energy on Television. That lad was already being hailed as the next demi god after Kapil Dev, though my class mates were unkindly mentioning how he would never get the Palmolive endorsement to his credit. However Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar remained in the background for quite some years as Kapil Dev tried hard to match Richard Hadlee’s record, Pakistani bowlers found ways to cast a spell on the ball. This era was probably known for India playing mostly against Pakistan, England or West Indies, getting walloped in the process. And then just when international cricket was getting a bit too stale for my liking, 3 things happened… 1) My Dad bought a Color Television 2) Manmohan Singh and his now famous policies resulted in cable revolution 3) Nelson Mandela was released from Prison and South Africa was welcomed back into the cricketing fraternity This made for a heady mix as we came to know for the first time, how South Africans due to years of isolation from the rest of the world had forgotten all about gravity, that lightning was fast and had a colour. It was around this time that the 1992 world cup began in NewZealand and Australia. For the first time I watched open eyed as I realized that cricket grounds were meant to be lush green and that cricket could be captured from more than 2 camera angles. The Production Quality of matches in Australia would in years to come still maintain its superiority over the desi channels. I remember New Zealand was a strong favourite back then with the likes of Mark Greatbatch, Martin Crowe in the lines, but what I also remember is rain doing India in, Duckworth and Lewis playing spoilsport with those unlucky South Africans and a young and surprisingly lean Inzamam blasting both New Zealand and England on their way to win the world cup. That Sachin was promoted to the role of an opener and he was very successful at that was only read by me much later as I slowly started reading the sports page of the newspaper before the front page. It was around this time, that I finally figured out what exactly TEST matches were. Not that I was too keen to watch them as they were as engaging as Jeetendra in Justice Chaudhary. My father had now started seeing Cricket as a potential threat to his son fulfilling the family dream of becoming a doctor and hence just at the beginning of my 10th standard, the cable guy was asked to take a walk. Unfortunately like Anna Hazare, I could not go on a hunger strike because more than cricket I loved food. But more about that later. Luckily for me, the World Cup that year was held in India and I can vouch for the fact that inspite of my board examinations I followed all the weekday matches( Both my parents were working and I used to have preparatory holidays) .Heck I even watched the South Africa vs UAE match where Kirsten scored that magnificient 183. The 1996 World Cup remains the most distinct World Cup ever for me… Sachin piling on runs, Jadejas charge against Waqar Younis, the Venkatesh Prasad Aamir Sohail faceoff, South Africa again knocked out during the quarterfinal after being the best team in their group, Warne bringing back Australia from the brink of defeat in the semifinals against West Indies, Heartbreak for India and Vinod Kambli crying at Eden Gardens, and finally Sri lanka deservedly winning the 1996 World Cup. The next few years saw the emergence of 2 young stars on the cricketing horizon Rahul Dravid and Saurav Ganguly. And also a barrage of so called fast bowlers and wicketkeepers whose names I have trouble remembering. The year 1998 was a special year with Sachin scoring 9 ODI centuries something Salim Malik has hit in his entire ODI career. The innings at Sharjah, his disdainful treatment of bowlers around the world along with the Tony Greig commentary made for some spectacular viewing. It was also around this time that I entered college, started playing cricket and became an full blown addict. The 1999 World Cup was extremely boring what with the venue being England, India crashing out pretty early, but not before giving us the pleasure of seeing Dravid and Ganguly mauling the SriLankans. There was just two moments in the world Cup that will remain entrenched in my mind, forget the onesided final, forget the dropped catch by Gibbs, forget Indias early exit… What you cant forget is Sachin returning to play even after his fathers demise and Lance Klusener and the runout with Allan Donald. That day, it was not just South Africans who were in mourning. Come 2000, the supposed Y2K problem fizzled out, but what hit instead was bad, very bad. The Match Fixing Scandal…. More than Azharuddin, Jadeja, it was shocking to hear that Cronje that much loved captain was involved in cheating the cricketing fans. This incident cannot be looked into in isolation. It had irrevocably damaged the psyche of every cricket lover in India, so much so that every close match from thereon was viewed with lot of suspicion for over a decade. I remember discussing with my college buddies the South Africa vs Australia match at Durban immediately after that. Never had I seen South Africans play with such passion as that day after the scandal. Specifically remember Pollock dedicating the win to Hansie. In between these years, lot of incidents happened. Some memorable, some not so… Some of the memories that will forever remain stuck in my mind are… Gangulys captaincy, Kumble and Srinaths mothers jumping in the stands as they watched their sons forge an unlikely winning partnership against Australia, Hrishikesh Kanitkar becoming the out of nowhere hero for that spectacular 4 in the last over against Pakistan, Saeed Anwars brazen 194 in Chennai, Sachins highest score against New Zealand, a Sachin look alike only a lot fatter making it into the Indian team, Yuvraj and Kaif chasing Englands total at Lords prompting Ganguly to do what Poonam Pandey never did. So it was with a mixed feeling that we entered the 2003 World Cup. No one expected us to win when we were at an early stage almost expected to bow out. A dream Quarter final win against Pakistan drained the Indian team so much so that they were totally outclassed by Ponting and his team in the final. The Chapell era didn’t do much for the Indian team; with the early exit in the 2007 World Cup courtesy Bangladesh , and advent of IPL, my interest in ODI cricket started waning so much so that I stopped reading even the newspapers. To quote from LOTR, it was then when all hope was lost that a young lad from Ranchi and an ex-South African Batsman turned Coach together embarked on a mission to make India the no 1 Cricket playing nation in the world. But again it was that innings from that Shivaji Park lad who scored a magnificent 175 against Australia in Hyderabad in a very tight finish that told me ODI was not over, not as long as there were innings like these. That he went onto hit a double century against South Africa was simply another ornament in his shining armour. As I stood there at Wankhede watching the fireworks, I realized this was not about a Sachin Tendulkar, not about a World Cup coming home but about an entire generation justifying those millions of hours spent either playing or watching the game. The Dhoni Kirsten era will be earmarked as the most successful era in Indian cricket winning everything from the T 20, Test and ODI championships. Sachin is THE best batsman in the world with the only thing that eluded him now in his cabinet, Dhoni has taken India to the top of evey ranking possible, Indians have fielded as good as any champion team…. Sachin will probably play for another couple of years ensuring that even a revival of Pontings fortunes is not good enough to beat his records, Dhoni will go on and become the most sought after celebrity for Advertisements, IPL will have 92 teams by the year 2016 and we will Finally Finally Finally not be subjected to videos of Balwinder Singh Sandhu bowling out Gordon Greenidge.. So what now from here??? Logic says it can only be downhill from here.. I mean when you are the top the only way to go is down …The easy thing is to retire… “Reaching the top is easy, Its staying at top that is gonna be tough” Now if it took 28 years and a Sachin Tendulkar to reach the top, Iam just wondering how tough it is for India to remain at the top…. But I shall be there India, I shall not retire, I shall continue watching, criticizing, applauding you as you enter the tougher part of the battle… Australia 2015, Here we come….
Sunday, September 5, 2010
How i ran into Running...
January 1st( The year doesnt matter)
5:20 AM: I was angry, so very angry. and i wanted to take it out on someone or something... i tied my laces, walked down the Malad Hill( its the poor mans equivalent of Malabar and Pali Hill) and touched the Western express Highway... A deep breath.. Another one.. And then i started running... A blur of thoughts kept me occupied so much so that i couldnt hear the "in hibernation" heart pleading to stop. I must admit, i havent seen how Mumbai looks at that time ever. Well, to be honest i have but returning home at around 5 Am is not the same as getting up at 5 AM. Strange Na...
As i ran i alternated between phases of becoming obvious of my surroundings to being oblivious. i was aware of the darkness enveloping the Malad stretch, the pleasant cold air that hits you around the Arey Goregaon road, late night revellers drinking tea at Andheri and the Sun and the stench at Mahim but totally unaware about how i managed to miss the stretch at Jogeshwari, Vile parlet, Santacruz, Bandra etc
Just when i thought i might as well run till office at Worli, all pain came back to me in one instant and i stopped at Mahim... i took a cab back to malad.
14 kms stretch.. How did i do it.. I mean i have never run more than 3 kms in my entire life and that too because of a cross city race back in 8th grade. A day before i wouldnt have bet on myself to complete a 5 km non-stop and here i was doing a 14... So what was it that made me forget the pain on that day... a Freakish Forrest Gump kinda episode, extreme emotional upheaval.. Am still trying to figure out...
The feeling as i was returning in the cab was not describable. A feeling of relaxation, satisfaction, alertness... It was my first long run... And i knew i would run for life..
5:20 AM: I was angry, so very angry. and i wanted to take it out on someone or something... i tied my laces, walked down the Malad Hill( its the poor mans equivalent of Malabar and Pali Hill) and touched the Western express Highway... A deep breath.. Another one.. And then i started running... A blur of thoughts kept me occupied so much so that i couldnt hear the "in hibernation" heart pleading to stop. I must admit, i havent seen how Mumbai looks at that time ever. Well, to be honest i have but returning home at around 5 Am is not the same as getting up at 5 AM. Strange Na...
As i ran i alternated between phases of becoming obvious of my surroundings to being oblivious. i was aware of the darkness enveloping the Malad stretch, the pleasant cold air that hits you around the Arey Goregaon road, late night revellers drinking tea at Andheri and the Sun and the stench at Mahim but totally unaware about how i managed to miss the stretch at Jogeshwari, Vile parlet, Santacruz, Bandra etc
Just when i thought i might as well run till office at Worli, all pain came back to me in one instant and i stopped at Mahim... i took a cab back to malad.
14 kms stretch.. How did i do it.. I mean i have never run more than 3 kms in my entire life and that too because of a cross city race back in 8th grade. A day before i wouldnt have bet on myself to complete a 5 km non-stop and here i was doing a 14... So what was it that made me forget the pain on that day... a Freakish Forrest Gump kinda episode, extreme emotional upheaval.. Am still trying to figure out...
The feeling as i was returning in the cab was not describable. A feeling of relaxation, satisfaction, alertness... It was my first long run... And i knew i would run for life..
Monday, August 16, 2010
and So it Begins....
Social Embarassment is a major trigger in most of our decisions. Our decisions today are hugely influenced by our friends, acquaintances around us.
Taking this logic forward, Iam testing a hypothesis: One is more likely to stick to a resolution if lots of people know about it and failure to stick to the resolution can lead to social embarassment.
There are deeper questions one could ask: If one keeps up the resolution, is it a triumph of social networking sites or an indicator of the depths to which our individuality has been banished to... In case of failure, is the person doomed beyond hope or will he once again learn to rely on his self...
But for Now, rumbling stomach calls for cutting this monologue short and announcing the resolution to anyone who cares to read this....
"Nitin Nair promises to be Completely off Non-veg till 1st November, also intends to run the 42 km marathon in Mumbai this year"
Phew... Thats it.. Done.. Easy it was.. or was it.. I could have made a bombastic statement like Only time will tell but then unfortunately todays dinner pangs might just decide the fate of this experiment...
Taking this logic forward, Iam testing a hypothesis: One is more likely to stick to a resolution if lots of people know about it and failure to stick to the resolution can lead to social embarassment.
There are deeper questions one could ask: If one keeps up the resolution, is it a triumph of social networking sites or an indicator of the depths to which our individuality has been banished to... In case of failure, is the person doomed beyond hope or will he once again learn to rely on his self...
But for Now, rumbling stomach calls for cutting this monologue short and announcing the resolution to anyone who cares to read this....
"Nitin Nair promises to be Completely off Non-veg till 1st November, also intends to run the 42 km marathon in Mumbai this year"
Phew... Thats it.. Done.. Easy it was.. or was it.. I could have made a bombastic statement like Only time will tell but then unfortunately todays dinner pangs might just decide the fate of this experiment...
Thursday, July 24, 2008
There is so much redundancy in the word " Fraud Mallu"
“Shush. Be Quiet please
Its not really evil you see. Just seems to have these quirks
Not abnormal… But then not balanced either.
You tell me How am I different?
Everybody pretends to be someone else.. So do I
Everything except what they do currently, appeals to them. I empathize.
Nobody knows what they want in life.. Ditto
It once told me Boring is inversely proportional to Complication
In a strange sort of way, I think I admire it.
I want to be like it.
Abstract, Confused and Eccentric
“- Dude That’s coz..
Now its the norm rather than the exception..
And by the way, the 8th line ain’t gonna get you any women”
Saala Whistleblower!!
“ Neither will this line”
Its not really evil you see. Just seems to have these quirks
Not abnormal… But then not balanced either.
You tell me How am I different?
Everybody pretends to be someone else.. So do I
Everything except what they do currently, appeals to them. I empathize.
Nobody knows what they want in life.. Ditto
It once told me Boring is inversely proportional to Complication
In a strange sort of way, I think I admire it.
I want to be like it.
Abstract, Confused and Eccentric
“- Dude That’s coz..
Now its the norm rather than the exception..
And by the way, the 8th line ain’t gonna get you any women”
Saala Whistleblower!!
“ Neither will this line”
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
A lil bit of India in me...
Nitin: “So hows the week treating you..”
Fraud: “ Cool hain..”
Nitin: “Kya Cool hain”
Fraud:
Nitin: “ Kya cool hain pooch raha hoon”
Fraud: Bas yaar, fati padi hain
Nitin : Kyun. ???.
Fraud : Tu bata kya chal raha hain
Nitin : Bas yaar, Rolling along, what more do you expect in a tyre company ? Oh By the way do you want to know about the genesis of the new CEAT logo.
Fraud: “ You know theres a lil bit of India in me”
Nitin: What the @#$%
Fraud: Listen…
As the skies turn crimson
The demons of the night all but gone
Conches , Prayers fill the air
The earliest ramblers clearly hurting
Smoke and Incense curling and conspiring
Shops yawning, A quaint lil flower shop,
A snack shop beckons
Rushing through Crowds and sacred cows
Scooter Taxis all honking at
Serpentine queues stretching and forming demonic shapes
This is India rising and Shining…
Nitin: Kya Bakwaas poem hain
Fraud: Have you ever wondered how Indians have these queer idiosyncrasies that are so very… hmmm.. Indian
Nitin: Like they are better talkers than listeners
Fraud: I have written a list of 10 things that are very queer.. very very Indian..
1) Thou shall store all Polythene bags under the bed mats:
Polythene bags, small ones, big ones, plastic ones, paper ones, all seem to snugly fit in that vent between the mattress and the bed.
2) Thou shall Travel heavy :
Take a suitcase, Fill it with around 3 months clothes, take home made food enough to feed a whole compartment and there you have it – the great Indian traveler, ready for his 2 day trip. We Indians are heavy travelers. Of course theres a sound explanation for it: U need a change atleast thrice a day. (Babys diapers last longer than our clothes, one for morning, one for evening, one for walking and one for sleeping) and the food ofcourse – What if our co-travellers don’t bring their food along.
3) Thou shall be experts at Fine arts:
Now you might wonder how is this unique to Indians, there of course the Japanese, the Egyptians with a strong cultural history. But we have something that they don’t. Our ability to profess our love for our and sometimes other species . We are trying to immortalize our names and love by engraving it perennially in all our historic monuments. I mean Why would Shahjahan mind if someone writes “ Ankit loves Seema” on his tomb. He might have taken objection to “Ankit loves Girish” but then it’s a democratic country.
4) Thou will make the kids perform in front of everyone and anyone who cares to see it.
“Beta who Hrithik wala dance karke dikhao uncle ko…”, “ Arey, She sings like Sunidhi Chauhan. Beta Sing that song for which you won 1st Prize”. Indian parents take pride in showing off their children and the skills that they had always wanted to acquire
5) Thou shall give a tough fight to Sergei Bubka:
An Interesting bit of Trivia: 2008 Beijing Olympics: In which sport does India have the best chance of winning an Olympic Gold: No its not tennis, Lee-Hesh have still not quit playing Pandava and Kaurava, Sania is busy fighting with the clerics explaining how shorts enable faster movement on court, the Olympic committee doesn’t understand the importance of cricket, the hockey ppl are happy with chak de, well Indias biggest hope for a medal has to be the LONG JUMP/ HIGH JUMP
Lets face it : we are a nation of Jumpers. So be it Qs, traffic dividers, fences, railway tracks you name it , we are ready to jump over it..
6) Thou shall express “I MISS YOU” in more ways than one:
When we say these magical words we really mean it.
They say Nokia had to create a Missed Call section specially for India. The concept of giving missed calls and waiting for the recipient to respond is a recent Indian phenomenon. As Nokia India chief says “ India is a huge market for missed calls” Maybe they can start charging missed calls. Marketers Lend me an ear..
7) Thou shall not let a Bargain slip by:
Just like the Chinese wont give you a bargain, Indians cant do without a bargain. Rice, Clothes, vegetables, Electronics, Cars…anything and everything under the sun… Intelligent companies finally got smart, jacked up their MRPs and giving huge discounts.
Bargaining is an art . And with my dad being one of the founding members, I have a reputation to live upto.
Couldn’t help but quote an incident from my childhood.
Cut to Class 9 or 10. Had gone with my dad to get a Computer Table. As soon as we jointly agreed on the model, I stepped back giving my dad enough space to bargain. Infact I was already eyeing a table in the adjacent shop because the Sardar shopkeeper looked like the kinds who would rather give up his Tandoori Chicken and Daaru rather than give a bargain.
My dad asked “Kitne ka Hain”?? The Sardar with an air of indifference said “ Rs 5400”. This usually is the point when my dad starts shaking his head in a “Are you crazy.. I didn’t even want it in the first place” kind of manner, generally says No and pretends walking out.
The Shopkeeper said “ Accha Kitna Doge” much to my fathers amusement and my relief. This usually meant there was scope for bargain and we were still some time away from being shooed away from the shop.
If you asked me, I would have thought that Rs 4000 would have been a decent bargain but No Sir.. Here I was dealing with a man the stuff legends are made of.
“ Rs 2000” said my Dad… Even as I was trying to contort the look on my face to one of embarrassment, the next moment it involuntarily turned to one of shock even more when the Sardarji Said “ Theek Hain.. Le Jaao”…
My Father gave a defiant look but I knew that he had been humbled, he had to purchase the computer table… To his credit and defence, I must say he did manage a mouse pad and an extension chord but yes that was a huge learning experience for me.
8) Thou shall use JUGAAD at all those times:
Ho jaayega ji… Karwadenge Ji… Need I say more..
7) Thou believes in a Green Environment, and the concept of recycling:
Gifts fall in 2 categories: Useless and Completely Useless, This is true of all gifts that are stored away after an anniversary, Birthday, House Warming ceremony in store houses with the intention of recycling them at somebody else’s celebrations. If you are wondering where the wrappings are stored please refer to point 1.
8) Thou will not be considered a complete Indian unless you take part in the
“The Great Fat Indian Marriage”:
Money splurged in an unabashed display of affection???
A hapless Horse… Even more hapless guy on that horse..
Aunties trying to match the shades of lipsticks with the equally gaudy Sarees
Chachas and Taujis venting their pent up frustration by dancing. People are surprised to find locomotion in limbs which had for long been given up as useless
9) Your Neighbour is thy family Member:
You should make it a point to know your neighbours, mama. Chacha, his mother-in-law, her Chemist, his Dhobi and wife, their children, his friends, their in-laws…..
10) Nitin: Hey Fraud, I don’t think you have written this blog on your own. Rather its compiled from other sources. Why are you not giving credit? and also I think, you have managed to put more than 10 points without reader really noticing it...
Fraud: Well…Theres a lil bit of India in me…
Fraud: “ Cool hain..”
Nitin: “Kya Cool hain”
Fraud:
Nitin: “ Kya cool hain pooch raha hoon”
Fraud: Bas yaar, fati padi hain
Nitin : Kyun. ???.
Fraud : Tu bata kya chal raha hain
Nitin : Bas yaar, Rolling along, what more do you expect in a tyre company ? Oh By the way do you want to know about the genesis of the new CEAT logo.
Fraud: “ You know theres a lil bit of India in me”
Nitin: What the @#$%
Fraud: Listen…
As the skies turn crimson
The demons of the night all but gone
Conches , Prayers fill the air
The earliest ramblers clearly hurting
Smoke and Incense curling and conspiring
Shops yawning, A quaint lil flower shop,
A snack shop beckons
Rushing through Crowds and sacred cows
Scooter Taxis all honking at
Serpentine queues stretching and forming demonic shapes
This is India rising and Shining…
Nitin: Kya Bakwaas poem hain
Fraud: Have you ever wondered how Indians have these queer idiosyncrasies that are so very… hmmm.. Indian
Nitin: Like they are better talkers than listeners
Fraud: I have written a list of 10 things that are very queer.. very very Indian..
1) Thou shall store all Polythene bags under the bed mats:
Polythene bags, small ones, big ones, plastic ones, paper ones, all seem to snugly fit in that vent between the mattress and the bed.
2) Thou shall Travel heavy :
Take a suitcase, Fill it with around 3 months clothes, take home made food enough to feed a whole compartment and there you have it – the great Indian traveler, ready for his 2 day trip. We Indians are heavy travelers. Of course theres a sound explanation for it: U need a change atleast thrice a day. (Babys diapers last longer than our clothes, one for morning, one for evening, one for walking and one for sleeping) and the food ofcourse – What if our co-travellers don’t bring their food along.
3) Thou shall be experts at Fine arts:
Now you might wonder how is this unique to Indians, there of course the Japanese, the Egyptians with a strong cultural history. But we have something that they don’t. Our ability to profess our love for our and sometimes other species . We are trying to immortalize our names and love by engraving it perennially in all our historic monuments. I mean Why would Shahjahan mind if someone writes “ Ankit loves Seema” on his tomb. He might have taken objection to “Ankit loves Girish” but then it’s a democratic country.
4) Thou will make the kids perform in front of everyone and anyone who cares to see it.
“Beta who Hrithik wala dance karke dikhao uncle ko…”, “ Arey, She sings like Sunidhi Chauhan. Beta Sing that song for which you won 1st Prize”. Indian parents take pride in showing off their children and the skills that they had always wanted to acquire
5) Thou shall give a tough fight to Sergei Bubka:
An Interesting bit of Trivia: 2008 Beijing Olympics: In which sport does India have the best chance of winning an Olympic Gold: No its not tennis, Lee-Hesh have still not quit playing Pandava and Kaurava, Sania is busy fighting with the clerics explaining how shorts enable faster movement on court, the Olympic committee doesn’t understand the importance of cricket, the hockey ppl are happy with chak de, well Indias biggest hope for a medal has to be the LONG JUMP/ HIGH JUMP
Lets face it : we are a nation of Jumpers. So be it Qs, traffic dividers, fences, railway tracks you name it , we are ready to jump over it..
6) Thou shall express “I MISS YOU” in more ways than one:
When we say these magical words we really mean it.
They say Nokia had to create a Missed Call section specially for India. The concept of giving missed calls and waiting for the recipient to respond is a recent Indian phenomenon. As Nokia India chief says “ India is a huge market for missed calls” Maybe they can start charging missed calls. Marketers Lend me an ear..
7) Thou shall not let a Bargain slip by:
Just like the Chinese wont give you a bargain, Indians cant do without a bargain. Rice, Clothes, vegetables, Electronics, Cars…anything and everything under the sun… Intelligent companies finally got smart, jacked up their MRPs and giving huge discounts.
Bargaining is an art . And with my dad being one of the founding members, I have a reputation to live upto.
Couldn’t help but quote an incident from my childhood.
Cut to Class 9 or 10. Had gone with my dad to get a Computer Table. As soon as we jointly agreed on the model, I stepped back giving my dad enough space to bargain. Infact I was already eyeing a table in the adjacent shop because the Sardar shopkeeper looked like the kinds who would rather give up his Tandoori Chicken and Daaru rather than give a bargain.
My dad asked “Kitne ka Hain”?? The Sardar with an air of indifference said “ Rs 5400”. This usually is the point when my dad starts shaking his head in a “Are you crazy.. I didn’t even want it in the first place” kind of manner, generally says No and pretends walking out.
The Shopkeeper said “ Accha Kitna Doge” much to my fathers amusement and my relief. This usually meant there was scope for bargain and we were still some time away from being shooed away from the shop.
If you asked me, I would have thought that Rs 4000 would have been a decent bargain but No Sir.. Here I was dealing with a man the stuff legends are made of.
“ Rs 2000” said my Dad… Even as I was trying to contort the look on my face to one of embarrassment, the next moment it involuntarily turned to one of shock even more when the Sardarji Said “ Theek Hain.. Le Jaao”…
My Father gave a defiant look but I knew that he had been humbled, he had to purchase the computer table… To his credit and defence, I must say he did manage a mouse pad and an extension chord but yes that was a huge learning experience for me.
8) Thou shall use JUGAAD at all those times:
Ho jaayega ji… Karwadenge Ji… Need I say more..
7) Thou believes in a Green Environment, and the concept of recycling:
Gifts fall in 2 categories: Useless and Completely Useless, This is true of all gifts that are stored away after an anniversary, Birthday, House Warming ceremony in store houses with the intention of recycling them at somebody else’s celebrations. If you are wondering where the wrappings are stored please refer to point 1.
8) Thou will not be considered a complete Indian unless you take part in the
“The Great Fat Indian Marriage”:
Money splurged in an unabashed display of affection???
A hapless Horse… Even more hapless guy on that horse..
Aunties trying to match the shades of lipsticks with the equally gaudy Sarees
Chachas and Taujis venting their pent up frustration by dancing. People are surprised to find locomotion in limbs which had for long been given up as useless
9) Your Neighbour is thy family Member:
You should make it a point to know your neighbours, mama. Chacha, his mother-in-law, her Chemist, his Dhobi and wife, their children, his friends, their in-laws…..
10) Nitin: Hey Fraud, I don’t think you have written this blog on your own. Rather its compiled from other sources. Why are you not giving credit? and also I think, you have managed to put more than 10 points without reader really noticing it...
Fraud: Well…Theres a lil bit of India in me…
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